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Chapter One: Counting Crows

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5-4-3-2-1 = Go… 1-2-3-4-5 = Stop


1-One Thousand, 2-One Thousand, 3-One Thousand, 4…


5 more minutes, 10 more minutes… just a few more minutes!


For Prudence, numbers were more important to her than the air she breathed. Prudence loved numbers. Numbers were consistent, organized and could be relied upon. Prudence would count her steps, her breaths and establish finite timelines to schedule every moment of her day. She would create chronological patterns in her mind to help solve problems, to help rationalize things she did not understand and as a way to control the world around her. Prudence was very efficient, she was very effective in everything that she did and Prudence was also very unhappy.


5-4-3-2-1 = Go… 1-2-3-4-5 = Stop


1-One Thousand, 2-One Thousand, 3-One Thousand, 4…


5 more minutes, 10 more minutes… just a few more minutes!


Prudence’s unhappiness did not start one day due to an event or one specific incident. Her dark sadness was always there, growing, developing and sometimes it consumed her. Those were bad days, Prudence would stay inside, consumed by her  thoughts and worries. Other times the darkness just stayed below the surface, quietly overwhelming her, reminding her she did not belong, that she was not enough and reinforcing that she did deserve happiness. 


5-4-3-2-1 = Go… 1-2-3-4-5 = Stop


1-One Thousand, 2-One Thousand, 3-One Thousand, 4…


5 more minutes, 10 more minutes… just a few more minutes!

This is when Prudence would count, she would let the numbers in her head grow loud to drown out the dark soul messages, she would be controlled by the steps it took to get to the next minute, the next task and the numbers allowed her to in many ways excel in the world.


Then the numbers went away….

The numbers went away…

The numbers were gone…


Prudence could no longer see the light in patterns, she could no longer count the breaths or the steps or control the dark night sadness of her soul. Without the numbers, there was no way to drown out the sad messages, no way to organize or problem solve towards the light. There was nothing but darkness, there was nothing but uncertainty and Prudence could no longer be safe. She sat, afraid to move, afraid to think and unable to eat, to sleep, or dream. Prudence was in trouble and she knew it. She had felt this before, many times she had succumbed to the darkness, to the loneliness in her heart and heard the screaming sadness of her soul. But she would count, she prioritized into number order, and she would act until the darkness became shadow, the messages were muffled and the sadness numbed.


Then there was a flicker of movement from the window. 



The large black Crow stared at Prudence with inquisitive, curious eyes and his head moved side to side as his feathers rustled and he grounded into stillness onto the window sill. The Crow would stay silent, watching and after a few moments fly away. Prudence would watch as the Crow would glide, soaring and swaying in the sky until she could no longer see where the bird had gone. The Crow would come everyday, unannounced and would settle in on the window sill, watching, silent and still. His visits were never numbered or of a consistent length, he came and left as if by intuition his wings knew it was time to fly away.

Prudence began to enjoy the time with the Crow, she learned to appreciate the silence, and grew to understand that she needed to be present with the Crow as she never knew when he would come or if he would  ever be back. She could not control the crow, and she did not want to. The Crow did expect anything from her, the Crow simply came and then went. When the Crow was there, there was no dark, no light, just the Crow and Prudence realized how comfortable it could be, to just be. She began to think more about the Crow, how he held space for her, how he was completely present in that moment and the way he would groom, or loom, go or stay, the Crow was free. The Crow did not worry about where he came from, where he was going. He did not arrive worried about his entrance, the words, the manners, the exchange or his worth, he simply showed up.

Prudence realized that she had always been afraid of the dark, afraid of the darkness in her soul and she had thought that the numbers kept her safe, counted her through the night, quieted the dark messages. But the Crow had made her realize that counting the numbers made the dark, darker and the night longer and drained the light from her soul's messages. The Crow taught her, she was free to be, to be present, to live, to love and to be in the moment. She learned to love herself, she leaned to ground and she learned to check in with her heart, her head and listen to her soul messages as she would soar through the day. 


The Crow taught her the gift of Choice, 

the lesson of living with Intention 

and the courage to be, just be.



Prudence only counts her blessings now.


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